If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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