Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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