You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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