I wish I could punch you in the face.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
