somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize