I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
