Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
