My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
