You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
