It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
