Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I met the friendliest cop last night
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize