Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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