I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
