There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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