I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
