She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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