We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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