I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
