Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
