oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
