Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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