the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
