do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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