i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
