the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
