this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
