Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
