Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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