I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
