the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
These tits shall not be calmed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
