I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
