I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
