how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize