I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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