I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
