I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
