weddingsv make me drug and hornr
organizing the empties. That sober.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
