This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
