At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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