I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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