I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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