i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My liver just had a heart attack.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
