Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
