in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
