Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
