I'm really into asian looking animals
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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