like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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