i permit you to call me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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