I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
