my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
