Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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