my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
