It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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