I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
