Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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