Define "chronic" masturbator.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
