can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
