they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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