they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
