ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
