Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
