Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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