I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
