my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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