I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
