I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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