I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
