Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
