she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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