Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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