I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
