Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
