dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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