No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i out mim tonsoeep
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
