We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
