well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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