Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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