I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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