On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
